Third Culture Kid(s)

Everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - is pissing me off lately.  I can’t read weblogs I like without getting irritated, I can’t watch TV without wanting to hurl something at the screen, and my poor, poor husband.  Right now I Do Not want to be touched - not even a little bit, not even elbow touching elbow, and he’s suffering for it.

Maybe it’s just hormones - God knows I’ve got hormones coming out my ears right now.  I do know that the no-touchee thing comes mainly from having one kid climbing on my outside, and one kid kicking the crap out of my insides, all day long.  By the end of the day (when 2.0 is revving up for a late-night romp), I just want my own body back, dammit.

But everything else - it’s all because I’m feeling kind of useless and, as a result, pretty defensive.  Everything positive that people do or say or write about their lives feels like some kind of indirect indictment of my complete inability to do anything worthwhile.  Which may have it’s basis in hormones, or even just in my substantially diminished ability to do anything, physically, of any note.  I did manage to scrub up the little bits of crap on the floor that were freaking MM out, and I even mopped after that.  The floor looks much better, although MM is still finding imaginary spiders everywhere…*sigh*.

And today is my ostensible day off.  Big plans there - drop MM off at my parents’ house, come back home, maybe sort mail and try to get my office in some semblance of order, perchance to work, and then probably crash on the couch until it’s time to pick her up.  I’d like to go get some yarn to start a couple of projects, but if I had to guess I’d say that it probably won’t happen today.

This isn’t depression.  I think it’s frustration; I’m beginning to get an inkling of some of the frustration M. experiences as a result of physical limitations.  I want to do stuff, but right now my body just doesn’t care.  I wonder if I’m ever going to have energy again…